Adventure Time
"Hi I am Orange Pyjamas and this is...What is your name?"
"Thunder Swam,"
"Oh right Thunder Swam!"
"Who are you?" I ask.
"We are here to take YOU on a most grand adventure!"
"Why?" I inquire again there was silence they did not know how to answer.
"Because we want too now come," Orange Pyjamas said
"Not until you tell me why and were we are going!" I said a little to loud because I saw a light under my door. I looked over and they disappeared without a trace.
"Because we want too now come," Orange Pyjamas said
"Not until you tell me why and were we are going!" I said a little to loud because I saw a light under my door. I looked over and they disappeared without a trace.
Good start but your story is bit confusing to me you might want to use some commas in there and try to make it better. Also you might want to add some descriptive language in your story. Otherwise it's a good start.
ReplyDeleteI found your story pretty confusing. It really needs some work.
ReplyDeleteyou need to add names after you speak and its really confusing
ReplyDelete