The Roadside Monster
I was driving my truck down the old part of my town, when I see something on the side of the road.
I still to this day don't know what it was, but I know it was not a figment of my imagination. I honestly cant describe it, it was slumped over but could still walk. The thing just saw me and crawled over to my car, I backed up but it just kept coming back to my truck. Eventually, I backed up so much I slid off the road and fell down the side of the road. I couldn't see, so I flicked on my lighter but the thing was not at the top of the hill, as the flame flickered and went out I heard a screech.
Your title at the top of the page needs to be capital letters at the beginning of the words. In your first sentence you say you see something but it should be you saw something. Throughout your story you only have a couple sentences and they're all really long. I challenge you to change some of them to make them shorter sentences instead of being ones.
ReplyDeleteGood start but You need to make the tittle in capitil letter as tinker bell said. Also you might want to use some descriptive language. Also your story has to many I's you might want to change it.
ReplyDeleteIn your title use capitals. Try to ad in what the screech was because it kind of is confusing not knowing what it was.
ReplyDeleteI agree with tinker bell. Your story doesn't flow that well. I also got confused a lot so you might want to go over it with a parent.
ReplyDelete