Dancer
"I am not Dancer!" punching my pillow I absolutely hate that name.
"Shut up Dancer!" Gorgi (my big brother cooed from the other room, at that point I had enough. I barged into his room and shut off his Funstation 3
"aw come on I was video chatting!" my big brother whined.
"so what?" laughing and walking out.
"It was with a girl!" I was laughing so hard I was silent. My brother gave me a little grunt and went back to what he was doing. It felt good to have some power in this house.
"Dancer?" my Mom called.
"yes?"
"could you come down here for a minute"
I nervously sashayed down the steps towards the kitchen and did the running man to my Mom.
"look I know you won't like this but,"
I knew this talk it's the "your obsessed with hip hop and video games talk"
"are you even listening to me?" my Mom asked with a stern look
"I enrolled you into swimming lessons!"
I stood there like an animal hiding from a predator. I likely won't last long.
"Dancer?" my Mom called.
"yes?"
"could you come down here for a minute"
I nervously sashayed down the steps towards the kitchen and did the running man to my Mom.
"look I know you won't like this but,"
I knew this talk it's the "your obsessed with hip hop and video games talk"
"are you even listening to me?" my Mom asked with a stern look
"I enrolled you into swimming lessons!"
I stood there like an animal hiding from a predator. I likely won't last long.
You really need to work on punctuation . But I like your story,
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers. You are missing some really important punctuation such as capitals and periods. Taking the time to go back and edit will really help your writing. Some parts of your story are not needed and will help you cut down on your too many words.
ReplyDeleteGood story. I got lost a bit in middle.
ReplyDelete