Wednesday, January 6, 2016
100WC Week #1
The Adventure On Mt. Nikompoop
"Harold,HAROLD!" Gorgi yelled in my ear.
"WHAT!" I yelled back
"I found this map in the back yard!" he screeched in excitement
"it says there lies a treasure on mount Nikompoop!" Gorgi wailing again in my ear "can we go-"
''no'' I said sternly
''pleeaaassee," he whined
"This is stupid we don't even know if it's real"
"IT IS, NOW LET'S GO!"
"OK FINE!" I say annoyed and "stop wailing in my ear!"
Gorgi pushes me outside and we climb and climb and climb and eventually we reach the top. And we stand up on top of Mt. Nikompoop and we scoure the hills and in the trees and THEN out of the corner of my eye I spot a big red X
"Gorgi" I call to him
Gorgi comes running to me in a flurry. he asks me to get out the shovel and I say "I thought you brought one!"
we both just stand still as statues and look at each other in horror.
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You have a great start with your story, but you need to start a new line every time a new person is speaking. You are also missing a lot of capital letters and periods and you have a lot of extra punctuation that doesn't need to be there.
ReplyDeleteI really like your storey it has good speaking rolls and a funny meaning. Good job!
ReplyDeleteFixed it
ReplyDeleteIt's a great story line! Although there are are a few extra punctuation added and some punctuation that is needed(capitals). I really like the excitement you can tell Gorgi has and how you can tell by what he says.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to pay attention to the comments left by your peers. Watch out for missing and extra punctuation. (capitals, periods, commas, and quotation marks)
ReplyDelete